I think it's time we begin to normalize couples therapy! Couples therapy is not just for the couples who are at their wits end. Deciding to seek a couples therapist, does not mean anything negative about your relationship. On the contrary, it means that you love your partner and value the relationship enough to invest in it and protect it. 

I believe that all couples should go to therapy at various points in their relationship to cope with the different seasons. I am a big proponent of dating therapy and pre-marital counseling, these are two of my specialties. I think that the best thing you can do for your partner and yourself is to set a strong foundation for the life you hope to create together. 

Research from the Gottman Institute states that couples are, on average, unhappy for six years prior to seeking professional help. Six years is a long long time of being discontent in your relationship. There's no need to suffer in silence or wait until there is unrepairable damage done to the relationship. I'm a fervent believer that couples therapy can be preventive instead of reactive. 

These are the 10 most common reasons why couples decide to seek therapy:

1. Preventive care

2. Support partner with mental health concerns

3. To learn how to communicate effectively about money, sex, parenting, in-laws, and other values

4. To navigate life transitions, like becoming new parents or empty nesters

5.To resolve relational trauma outside of the partnership, like being cheated on in a previous relationship

6. Infidelity and other forms of betrayal

7. Addictions and excessive behaviors

8.To go from roommates to lovers, to reconnect

9. To feel supported while in a long-distance relationship or a dual-career partnership

10. To consciously uncouple

Conscious Uncoupling 

Let's talk about #10 for a second, some couples through therapy decide that their relationship is unsalvageable. Not all couples, but some do come to this realization. As a relational therapist, I've seen the trauma that a break-up, separation, or divorce can cause when emotions run high and impulsive decisions are made. To prevent such a scenario, I encourage these couples to stay in therapy. Even more so, if children are involved. The goals and my approach change, and we work on processing the emotions related to ending the partnership. If the individuals need to continue to communicate because of children, pets, or business we focus on developing communication skills and establishing healthy boundaries. I help parents talk to their kids and hold space for their emotions. 

I love when I see my couples thrive! I am a hopeless romantic at heart and nothing gives me greater satisfaction. However, I don't see separation as a failure of any sort. I think sometimes that's the healthiest decision for everyone involved when done consciously. That being said, I never suggest a couple part ways. That's not my recommendation to make, that is solely the couple's decision.