Go To Bed Angry

The old adage, suggests you make up before you say goodnight. I'm telling you the exact opposite, except you should still say goodnight even if you are angry, but just call it a night.

Some things just take time to process and marinate, they can't be rushed. Powering through at 3am is not best. When we push for a compromise, we rarely get a compromise. We get an exhausted and drained partner saying anything they have to say to make the argument stop and finally make it to bed. 

Eventually, the issue will resurface again in a day, a week, or a month.

Partner who pushed for the compromise is now blindsided and confused because they thought this issue had been worked through. The partner who conceded, likely has been harboring resentments all along and feels unheard. 

Please, go to bed angry. Sleep on it! With a rested mind and body, you will likely have a clearer perspective and a higher ability to regulate your emotions.

Just because you are going to bed angry does not suggest that you need to be cold or hurtful towards each other. This sends the message that affection and care are conditional or come with strings attached. You can agree to pause the conversation and still say goodnight. 

Have Fun!!!!

Fun is so important in relationships and we often completely dismiss it. Life is hard and unpredictable, relationships take effort and sacrifice. If we are going to enjoy life with our partner, then we need to ensure we are making fun a priority. 

By fun I don't mean expensive dinner dates or five star getaways to beachfront resorts. I am referring to feeling at ease in your partner's presence. Poking fun at the day to day stressors together. A little banter back and forth doesn't hurt anyone. Humor is great way to bring down the tension and cope with what life throws at us. Fun is doing things you enjoy together from having coffee every morning, to sex, to trying new bars.  

Fun is often underrated and my couples are at times stunned when I emphasize fun so much. However, when I see the couples that have made two plus decades, these couples are no where near perfect, but they do know how to have fun. Despite, the ups and downs, and the real though times they faced together, they have never stopped enjoying each other. 

I believe when couples can have fun together, they can problem solve better. They also have more empathy for one another. And guess what? They have more satisfying sex! 

I will even say that some, not all, of the couples I've worked with that have complained about their sex life are not having fun together outside of the bedroom. Sex can become an issue for many reasons, that's a whole other blog post. But it won't improve, regardless of what the root cause is, if you can't feel at ease with your partner.  

Fun helps you feel at ease, I mean you can't really have tensed fun. 

To sum it up, go to bed angry AND say goodnight. Make fun a must in your relationship, no matter how busy life gets.